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I wrote this about a year and a half ago when I was going through a tumultuous season mentally. I was caught in a cycle of unhealthy decision-making that I could not escape for the life of me. It was the accumulation of all the little daily battles that I kept losing, which honestly felt worse than if I had made some sort of big, one-off mistake. I was so frustrated because I knew better, but I wasn't doing better. It was clear that some part of the equation was missing; I just didn't know what it was or even where to look for it. I was searching for an answer—anything that would explain why I wasn't making any progress. This is what I wrote to my Heavenly Father contemplating where my responsibility ends and His strength begins:

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It feels wrong to ask for your strength

when I make a mistake.

Should it not be up to me to abstain?

This very thought I think, I think in vain. Because it claims that I alone could be enough to refrain.

I know you won’t force my hand, which means I have to decide for myself.

But just because it has to be my choice doesn’t mean it has to be only my fight.

I ask you for your strength because I know that my own will cannot suffice.

To claim that I alone could produce life would not be true because the only time I can produce fruit is when what comes out of me comes from you.

So yes, it has to start with me, but unless it ends with him, it will end corruptly.

Unless he waters the seed, every flower I plant will grow into a weed.

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Related Verses:

Exodus 14:14

Psalm 28:7

Psalm 73:26

John 15:5

2 Corinthians 12:9